


If You Give a Cat a Secret

by sandssavvy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cats, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Silly, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21526750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandssavvy/pseuds/sandssavvy
Summary: Jester’s prank has embarrassing repercussions for Nott… And Caleb, but that part was intentional.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Nott, Nott & Caleb Widogast, Nott/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 20
Kudos: 115





	If You Give a Cat a Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Set somewhere post episode 85.

“I can’t believe Caduceus won’t let us race up the tree,” Beau grumbled as she left the roof and traveled down the stairs with Nott.

“We can do it while he’s making dinner,” Nott said once they were probably out of Caduceus’ ridiculously wide earshot.

Beau pumped her fist, “Yes! Chaos crew! Maybe we should have Jester referee it, so we can know for sure who reaches the top first.” 

Nott nodded vigorously, “It’s a plan.” 

“Well now it’s bound to go wrong,” Beau said before staring down the hall in shock. “Caleb, what the fuck are you doing.”

Nott turned around in time to see a flash of pale human skin as Caleb ducked around the corner. Frumpkin suddenly ran up the stairs and stopped in front of Nott and Beau as if he was trying to be a one-cat barrier.

Caleb’s voice came around the corner sounding slightly anxious. “I was in the hot tub with Fjord and Yasha, and Jester played a joke on us.”

It took a moment for Nott to put it together, “Are you NAKED?” She automatically turned to try to see around the corner, but Frumpkin started batting at her legs. That broke through her surprise and made her blush when she realized she almost peeked.

“Ew,” Beau’s nose scrunched in distaste though her expression quickly changed, “Wait, is Yasha naked too?” Beau glanced around as though she expected a naked barbarian to suddenly appear.

“Nein, I have towels. They just don’t cover as much as I'd like. Jester was with us in the hot tub for a little while, she must have taken our clothes when she left. She only left Yasha’s clothes behind.” Caleb’s voice was slightly muffled now. Nott could picture him hiding his face in his hands while he talked.

Beau rolled her eyes, “Well don’t hide if you aren’t naked, you’re making it weirder than it is.” When Caleb didn’t appear immediately she added, “We’ve all seen each-other naked Caleb.”

With a huff of defeat Caleb finally appeared around the corner. He had a towel wrapped tightly and knotted around his waist, but it only reached down to his mid-thigh. He had another towel hanging around his neck and draped over the front of his torso. It didn’t manage to cover much. Nott was happy to see that he no longer looked gaunt; instead he was the healthier kind of skinny that spoke of being an absent minded bookworm. 

His damp hair was curling more than usual and made his features look softer. There were still stray droplets of water on him and he looked cold. She could even see his red chest hair and how his nipples were-

“Why aren’t you downstairs? Don’t you have more clothes in your room?” Nott blurted out, thankfully interrupting her thoughts and redirecting her gaze to Caleb’s face.

Caleb scratched the back of his neck while blushing. “Ja, I already looked, but they weren’t there. Jester seems to have turned all of mine and Fjord’s clothing into a scavenger hunt. Fjord found his trousers on top of Caduceus’ dresser. I haven’t had much luck finding my clothes or Jester yet.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Jester is shopping or something. I saw her leave the house a little while ago,” Beau said while she smirked and leaned against the wall. “At least she chose a day when you aren’t studying with Essek.”

Caleb paled and actually placed a hand to his chest for a moment, “Scheisse. I had not thought of that.” 

For a moment the torchlight from the wall sconce made the scars on Caleb’s arms stand out and Nott felt a pit in her stomach. Ogling him a moment ago, even if it was accidental, now felt like more of an intrusion.

“Yasha and Frumpkin have been helping me look, but all I have found so far is my shoes.” Caleb awkwardly shuffled as he tried to readjust his torso towel. It looked like he was both trying to cover more of his chest, and make it look like he was merely fiddling with the fabric and unbothered by his chest showing. He failed in both respects.

Nott must have been looking at him for too long because the silence in the room got awkward and Beau was looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

“You should go sit by the fire place, Caleb.” Nott said loudly. She felt the warmth in her cheeks and she needed this wet mostly naked version of her friend to leave now. “It’s to cold in Xhorhas for you to wonder around like that.”

“But I need to find my clothes,” Caleb said mournfully. He shivered for a moment as though now that the temperature was mentioned he could no longer fight it.

“We’ll find your clothes, right Beau?” Nott said too brightly.

Beau was squinting at her now and didn’t respond immediately, so Nott elbowed her in the side while Caleb wasn't looking.

“Ow, sure, yeah, get your naked ass out of here and get close to the fire. We got a new blanket for the couch lately. Make sure you use it.” Beau got in Caleb’s space a little while he backed up a step and she jabbed a finger at his face. “Don’t do your whole self hatred thing and suffer intentionally. When I come down there, you had better be huddled up in that blanket by the fire.”

For a moment Caleb blinked in surprise for the care he was shown, as he often did, but then he recovered and rolled his eyes. “Ja, Matrone,” Caleb said exasperatedly but he couldn’t hide a slight smile of fondness for Beau.

“That had better mean, ‘Yeah, thanks you’re the best Beau!’” Beauregard called after him as he descended down the stairs. 

Nott breathed a sigh of relief once Caleb was out of view, but before she had time to actually recover from the moment Beauregard swung around to face her.

“You have elbows like knives,” Beau complained as she rubbed where Nott jabbed her.

“Sorry,” Nott said, “but you were making things weird.”

“I was making things weird? Me? I wasn’t the one staring at his chest, Nott.” Nott leaped up and attempted to cover Beau’s mouth with her hands. She failed because Beau was crazy fast and she quickly dumped Nott back on the floor, but mercifully she lowered her voice to a whisper. “What the hell, Nott? I thought your crush was over.”

“It is!” Nott screech whispered back. “I don’t want to _do_ anything to him. I can’t help that he’s nice to look at. He was wet and his chest was there. What was I supposed to do, stare at the floor? That would be weird too.” She was talking faster now even though she wasn’t certain what excuse would come out of her mouth next.

“It’s not my fault anyway. After I got turned into a goblin he was the first person not to be repulsed by me. He’d hug me, and he never flinched away from me. He didn’t care about this,” Nott gestured down at all of herself. “We had to share warmth at night for months. So maybe things got kind of confusing, but I am a happily married woman!” She finished strained and out of breath.

Beau stared at her for a moment, “OK so that was a lot.”

Nott backed up slightly, “Don’t use your expositor questioning powers on me again.” She raised her hands as if preparing for battle.

Beau snorted and crossed her arms, “Seriously? I just asked one question.”

“Well I don’t understand your monk shit,” Nott said shrilly. She was too worked up, like she was mid battle.

“Nott, we really have to work on you keeping your cool. Ever tried meditating?” Beauregard asked casually.

Nott was about to let loose a brutally sarcastic quip, when she heard a sound that made her blood run cold.

“Mrrp?” 

Nott and Beau turned around slowly to see that Frumpkin had not followed Caleb, and had in fact witnessed their entire conversation. The cat blinked his fey eyes too innocently at them from where he’d been sitting in the shadows behind Nott. 

“Wha - I - uh,” As Nott searched for what to say Frumpkin did a long low stretch and started slinking off toward the stairs. “Wait, Frumpkin. Uh, there’s no reason to let Caleb know about this conversation, right? It will only embarrass him.” 

Nott felt her stomach sink with dread as Frumpkin’s eyes squinted thoughtfully and his tail lashed back and forth. She’s seen this behavior before when Frumpkin was hunting birds and small mammals. She didn’t know for certain but the fey cat seemed excited and ready to stir up trouble.

“Can he really tell Caleb anything when Caleb isn’t looking through him?” Beau asked.

“They have a telepathic link. Remember how Caleb said he saw our meeting with Oremid afterwards by watching it through Frumpkin later? If Frumpkin wants to get his attention to show him, he can.” Nott said while trying to creep closer to Frumpkin. “Come on Frumpkin there must be something you want. Fish? Toys?”

Frumpkin stared at her with the kind of disdain only a cat can master.

“Come on, work with me here, you must want something.” Nott continued to stalk forward while Frumpkin backed up toward the stairs. “I could help you bother Fjord? Do you want Jester’s weasel?”

Frumpkin blinked at her and tilted his head as though he was considering her offer. Just as Nott was about to relax, Frumpkin bolted down the stairs towards the living room.

The shocked silence was broken by Beau saying, “You are so screwed.”

**Author's Note:**

> I mean, what did they expect mischievious a chaotic creature like a fey ... Or a cat to do with that hot goss.
> 
> German/Zemnian:
> 
> Scheisse = shit  
> Ja, Matrone = yes, matron


End file.
